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danbutt:

"would you suck a dick fo-" yes

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

never let your printer know that you waited until the last minute to print something and you’re in a hurry. they can sense fear

youknowyouareaveganwhen:

the vegan agenda: eat vegetables, pet cats, act irritable at family gatherings

Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red. Kait Rokowski (via writingsforwinter)
  • (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
  • Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
  • Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
  • Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
  • Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
  • Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
  • (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
  • Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
  • (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
  • Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
  • Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
  • Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
  • (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

buck-barnes:

i wish there was a non-assholeish way to say “our friendship has run it’s course, you make me uncomfortable with your feelings and a lot of shit you do pisses me off bye”

algaecomplex:

my entire life in a picture